heat snakes marching

I have all my social media tabs open. I flip through them but he is nowhere to be found. For him this makes sense: he is not here. I know this and yet I search beyond it just in case.

I know there is a smashed spider under the Mummy Returns movie case.

I know I have mixed up which broom is my kitchen broom and which is for sweeping bark back into the garden beds. I was too sick last night to let the dogs out the right amount of times so although I knew what I find by the back door I didn't know which dog did it.

I know I am lucky not to have been seriously hurt diving into a pile of tossed tomato cages covered in weeds trying to recapture Beach's bunny.  But I don't know how the only marks on me are from her tiny claws.  And sitting on the exam table with the PA reading me my labs I know now why the last couple of days went the way they did for me. 

I know BC can win the argument for why he didn't call to check on me after he knew I left work sick. He has a stockpile of logic. All I have on my side is an idea that this could be a tiny bit better. A tiny bit easier on me. But he can tell me anything to justify why he won't try. And worse he can set me up to prove it by choosing to do the exact wrong thing and saying 'see, you hated it....'

I know when compared to a lifetime, 9 months of being broke and alone is a blink of an eye.

In my mind I know a lot of things- take that anyway you want.   

I know it is only August, with it's strange wet heat. In the day the tall grass burns; pressed low, trampled by an army of heat snakes that rise and vanish back to the sun. Under the cover of darkness, night storms roll over the valley. The rain mixes with dreams. The daylight lifts them away and the darkness lays them back down.
The lily in the greenhouse is blooming.
The grass in the backfield has fallen; it looks like a herd of a hundred deer bedded there.
The skunk comes by every night and there is nothing I can do about it.
From what I can tell the check is not in the mail and you are not calling.
That's okay, for right now I'm done not answering. 

And I'm sure you will make it up to me later... when all the heat snakes are gone and all the words are spoken underwater.