A lot happened yesterday floating the sea of daily life without BC. It ranged from the silly-stupid, a nonworking shower, which my boy Conner came to my rescue on. To my panic SOS call to BC that went unanswered. Supposedly lost to the wilds of the cell phone jungle of calls that somehow magically never make it to register on the other end- despite having left a voicemail. Not going to lie, that one hurt. I waited all day for him to call back.
I had a visitor who walked into my house pass my child drawing on the sidewalk. A child who when the brown ran out went and found a piece of bark to use. A child who when the shower broke headed for the greenhouse in a tiny bikini to shower as it was nothing to bathe in the hose.
This woman, old enough to know better, sat down at my kitchen table and let whatever She wanted to say flow out her mouth. One of the jewels of the conversation was her telling me with regards to a conversation a week or 2 back "I wanted to come right across the table and slap you in your face for saying that!"
The so offensive "that" that I had said? "I would like you to get a chance to go to Japan and see your 2 grand-babies there."
She demanded to know what I was thinking saying something so ridiculous to Her.
Obviously I don't find my comment ridiculous for many reason. The biggest is it was a genuine wish that she get to see grandchildren she has never met. The littlest of all of them is: use a fucking credit card or perhaps instead of buying another piece of land use that money. How does that saying go? "We afford what we choose to afford"?
Instead I simply told Her, "I could get into it with you but you do a lot for us so I'm not going to." She pushed me again but got nothing hostile back.
I refused to fight. Instead I called Beach in to have her show Her some of the photographs she had entered in the fair. I sent Her away by walking Her down the driveway saying "Thank you. Drive safe."
And BC never called.
And I thought about an episode of Hoarders and how the woman's bathtub was full of old magazines because it had broken one day and she didn't have the power to do anything about it- it made sense to me now.
I had a really hard time getting ready for work because I couldn't stop crying.
But you can't call in to say that, so I sent a message to one of the managers. Warned him I was coming in a total wreck. Of course as the theme for the day was going he didn't get me message until way later.
And back at work Beach came to break from beam in tears for the second day in a row. On her return she stopped by the desk to frown at me. I forced a hug on her and she pulled away saying, "I just want to go home" but she leaning towards the gym floor. She meant Gym-Home. We both laughed about it and I let her go.
My son trying to help me with the broken shower called but I couldn't talk to him because the line at the desk was overflowing.
And the biggest "broken" was yet to fall. By the end of practice I was told the hardest news of the day: Beach is struggling. The coaches pulled her and they pulled me (although that got cut short too because of the line waiting for me at the desk). The overall message was Beach is under too much stress from everywhere and it is taking a toll on her gymnastics: they will be scaling her skills back.
I slipped out of work a half hour early by the graciousness of one of the manger-coaches who was willing to stay late to take my place at the desk until closing so I could home and deal with the plumbing issues.
So like I said the exact day and time that this journey started may not matter, the littlest giant has finally cracked too.
Add her to the list of things that broke while BC was away, right between the handle to the freezer and the shower knob, some time after the gate, the bathroom floor, the garden, the wipers on my car, 2 cats, a few chickens, the a/c in BC's truck, a pair of flip-flops, my running shoes, the toaster oven (RIP), my favorite Ute's t which by act of laundry now lives in Moab, the phone line, the A/C, the old dog's spirit, a few car tires, a couple of lights, my bike, the pantry shelves, the bank, and me. Even BC sounds broken down.
This is has been the hardest year but it is so close to being over...
When the woman left my house She said to me, "Misty, you just got to hold on."
Hold on to what? Everything is broken?
But in a note to me from my son he wrote "I love you to the black and back."
A friend took the time to call & chat over coffee.
Another called to check in at the gym.
A coach stayed late to let me go early.
Things not broken: Love.
And yeah, my middle finger seems to work pretty well too.
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