I used to believe

I used to believe it was a choice

Like I believed it then

A choice I held in my hand 

Against the phone cold and dead

I used to believe I had it somewhere inside me to break through, 

if I only wanted to....

I see now it's not a choice

It's who I am

Skating across the blue 

It's who I will always be

Standing back watching the world 

Flipping frame by frame like the click of a Viewfinder

What I see is brilliant and deep

I can trace the sharp edges and never be cut

Collect the light and never be blinded

I used to believe this was a tiny box I chose to climb inside of

Now I believe inside is out and outside is in

I am not in the cage the world is

Drown in asphalt and cement

Jeweled in plastic and push

I used to believe that one day I would return to who I was before

Rejoin the fastness and the climb

But now I am free of that

Free to dream of flat desert fields of running antelope

To bath in dust fairies filtering in through noon's lights

To mingle with maternal myths 

And dine with ghosts

I used to believe

But I don't do that anymore.