riptide

You know you have lost perspective when you see a small child in a shopping cart and you think, doesn't that mom know how dangerous it is out here? She should take her baby home before it gets sick...

On day one Baby J was admitted to the hospital through the ER. She and her parents spent a long hard night on the infant ward but her condition continued to worsen.  By the second night, I was standing in her room when the staff made the call to move Baby J from high flow to a c-pap machine and into the ICU. Sick baby :c  

Eventually, even the c-pap wasn't enough and she intubated in the middle of the night. All of this because of the common cold. It's awful and it is heartbreaking to watch her fight to breathe.

I haven't been able to go see her today because although the floor nurses didn't kick me out for being sick, I can't really be on the ICU. 

I might be able to go up tonight but we will have to see how the rest of the day goes for her. Please get better Baby J! 

And then there is Beach and the whole gym thing.

Team had a short early morning workout. After which coach Dan sent the kids in the preschool class she "co-coaches" with him on Friday morning (when she isn't competing) to wish her good luck at State tomorrow & give her high-5's. 

Totally made her day.  

So between updates and phone calls we are trying to enjoy some downtime. Get some rest, eat tons of good food, and keep busy. Yep, tomorrow is State. The end of Season is right here at our door. I should be so happy...

But instead, I feel incredibly torn. Not about season ending but about trying to be happy & upbeat for Beach while worrying about Jessie & her sweet mom and dad. They are so scared & tired. I've been there. It seems an impossible moment in time and yet it happens. More often than not sick babies get better & life goes on.

  

I told my best "girlfriend" Brandon when he called to check in (and invite me to a Bernie Sanders rally), that having kids is a liability; loving someone is a liability. I know he understands what I mean. This is scary. And I feel helpless. Honestly, I don't know what else to say.

Baby Jessie taking a selfie from her hospital bed <3