A few weeks back I caught a cold that has sort of hung on. This weekend it returned with a vengeance. With Beach out dress shopping with some of the team girls and BC at work that left me alone in a quiet house. It's enough time and space to soak up the grit and the beauty of everyday. Its also enough time to rethink the events of the last week.
On the girt side, at first I sort of skipped over the trouble I ran into trying not to be the parent in charge of the whole weekend. My decision to not do *all the work only created more stress & work- especially for those parents who do share in the load. I feel like I owe those parents an apology. While the parents who don't help, shocker- still didn't help.
One of them even took the time to chew me out at 10PM in the street in front of my house because they had to go pick up their own kid. It didn't seem to matter that was the plan from the beginning. That I had already done way more of the work than I intended to do. That I was still up working hard to make sure each and every girl got to where they were going safely.
The barebones of it was at the end of the night when the number of girls in the group would double there was never going to be enough seats or belts to move them all together in one car.
The whole thing left a lot of residue in my head. I've been trying for months to spread out the work load of social events. More and more girls want in on the fun which is awesome! But fewer parents seem to be able to help. Nothing is quite working, last night completely backfired on the parent end (!)- BUT the girls had fun! <3
Something has to change. I'm not sure how or what to do it about it because it isn't the girls' fault. I am sure I am not the only parent on either side of this issue who is perplexed.
Truth is until the kids can drive themselves the kids who get to do stuff are the one who have grownups willing to facilitate for them. Those with parents who honestly can't and those who just won't, get the short end of the stick, unless another adult is willing to go out of their way to include them. Then of course, there is no reciprocal consideration for your child from these parents- no give and take, no share the load and the love.
I've been joking about including a BYOP to all social invites: bring your own parent. I would love to hang out with more adults!!!! But I know it's not that simple. It's a 1000 piece puzzle.
That wasn't the only rough patch. This whole week has been hard. I've been watching a friend slip into a lifestyle that is all too familiar. Life way out on the edge of reality. A fragile, unsafe place to dance when you have kids who relying on you. The look in her children's eyes is haunting- like that of the starving. Starving for stability and emotional rest.
I told BC the friendship would end soon, not because of I would end it but because she would. She would grow tired of my criticisms and walk away. But the truth is I am the one growing tired of it. However, it's the same puzzle as the one with the girls- there is nowhere to back away to. Nothing to be gained by being The Asshole.
Maybe when I finally kick this cold I will see all of this more clearly. Trade in my judge robes for a renewed gown of compassion. Maybe not.
Life is really messy but the beauty is always there. Under the clutter, over the mess, and through the bullshit. There is even beauty to be found in the unrepentant.
Murder Cat sleeping off his midnight snack of one of our laying hens.
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