In the words of my own mom, "I am sorry you are so old."
It's okay because I started this adult-mom thing so long ago so I am actually pretty damn young. I mean I am not only a mom, I am a grandma.
But that isn't the point. The point is I am in my pajamas watching the news, drinking coffee that I made from a kitchen I cleaned and I will have cleaned 3 or 4 mores times before this day celebrating my special day ends.
No one is going to make me breakfast, well maybe Beach will try. She will make me pancakes from the batter she made herself pancakes yesterday that she put in a questionable jar in the fridge.
I will eat them and smile through the headache the fake syrup and white flour gives me.
Now that I think about it I would love to go to McDonald's and get myself a sausage biscuit and 2 hash browns like my sister and I used to do every morning on our way to skip school together.
But I am a mom. I don't think I am not supposed to like McDonald's breakfast. It's been so long since I had one I probably don't. I know I don't want pancakes. I would rather have a spoonful of peanut butter from a spoon that will later come out of the dishwasher with the same amount of peanut butter scum it went in with.
I had planned to ski on my special day but my car has been overheating when it goes uphill. BC assures me it is a total mystery but not to worry because it's not a problem unless I want to go, well, UP anywhere. And besides, he went skiing yesterday so he supposes if wanted to borrow his truck that he needs for work today... yeah I will pass on driving his giant truck up the tiny canyon to get in a few runs before having to come back to take Beach to gym because he can't BECAUSE he skied yesterday and so he needs to work today.
Clearly I should have planned my birthday with a little more consideration for him.
I do have an alternate plan to spoil myself though. I am going to go to Home Depo and buy a box of self adhesive tiles to retile our bathroom.
Yep. That's never going to happen.
The box is only $33.50 and it is in stock. I checked. There was a way to make sure one box is enough but that requires measuring so I am going to go with sure one will work why not? It's one bathroom.
I would also need to buy a razor knife because asking BC for his would cause suspicion. My plan is to rip up the 4 year old temporary floor installed by my father-in-law and Fisher while taking instruction from Colby via cell phone that year or so he lived in Moab building a house. In case you didn't know he is contractor.
Can I make the floor in there any worse than it is?
Yes, yes I can. I should also not do the kitchen floor...
So instead I am going to see a movie, except all the movies I wanted to see are so old that they have fallen into that grey space between the big screen and red box and if there was another one I might like I can't remember what the fuck it would be.
Okay I will do lunch. Can't do lunch BC accepted a tending job for Beach at 11 on my Birthday for one of our old neighbors. How out of character proactive of him. She, the mom, is an adorable 23 year old vegan who doesn't wear a bra. Interesting, I wonder why he did that without asking me if that was okay? It's not okay but okay. Yeah, babysitting!
So after I sit around cleaning the house all day and drive Beach to gym I will go.... do what? Binge Netflix's? Fold laundry? I know cook myself a birthday dinner!
And a cake because if I don't have a cake Beach will be sad. I don't really want a cake but whatever. What are more dishes to wash and more pounds to lose?
Sweet. What kind of cake do they want me to have?
While I am at it what do I want for dinner? French Fries!!!
Okay, actually, I probably am- but it will be in my car as I am driving. I will have to hide the greasy bag in the trash when I get home because I didn't share. And I will drive the freeway with the window downs to blow out the smell but yes, there will be fries on my birthday.
Fries followed by cardio ballet!... that is if BC isn't home and if I have time between making dinner and driving to and from gym, baking myself a cake, and not retitling the bathroom or the kitchen floors.
Wait, did I decided yet what I am cooking for my family for dinner for my birthday? What's easy to clean up?
You know what? It sounds like I have a lot to do today! I better stop wasting the morning and go get dressed so I don't ruin my special day for my family.
I wouldn't have it any other way.... that's what I am suppose to say, I am a mom <3
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