the old Golden Road, Dudler's Inn, and Suicide Rock

oh 'deer' daughter

When I looked up from the garden to see all this going down I was shocked to find you standing in for your brothers.

See my sisters and I were not allowed to do things like this. Girls didn't mow the grass.  We didn't chop wood or dig in the earth. We just didn't. We weren't allowed. We weren't supposed to want to.

And as I watched you struggle with work and the weight of all that was before I wanted to say one thing to you, my sweet child; 

Dear Daughter, You are welcome.

BC the hunter

the morning in the night

I woke alone this morning although at first, I didn't quite know it. It took a while for the memories of his leaving to reawaken. To recall the sounds of BC in the predawn hours walking around in the kitchen. For him, the house is just a stopover in the month of October; it is hunting season and he has 3 tags (and hopefully a freezer) to fill.

Slowly, I remembered the daftness of my soft sleep knocking against the deep thumps and bangs of him moving weighted bags over the floor below. The house creaking and the dogs rolling over. Then the final click of the front door shutting behind the hunter gone hunting. Followed by the growl of his truck starting in the driveway. 

   

He left behind a pot of dark 4 am coffee. Too dark to drink. But not enough beans to make a fresh one. Standing barefoot in the kitchen I realized that Beach was away too. It meant I didn't need to tip-toe to get some time or space to meself. In fact, time & space were all I had.  

So I fed the farm. Hay to an impatient horse, grain to squabbling chickens, and crackers to a rabbit that is too bold for his own good. I snapped a few pics of the farm slipping into winter's sleep. My breath like a ghost, white and whispy, fogging up the lens. I didn't stay out long. It was cold and wet; the dew was leaking. The sun breaking off the hazy. An old ship out at sea...  

I went for a long run out on the J-trail to get warm and to try to get out from under the soreness of a good, hard week. When I came back the power was off so I took a bath by candlelight. The bathroom door cracked just enough to see the front room. The wooden floor spilling towards the front wall.  

When the lights came back on I was dressed and ready for the faceless day before me. With no one to stop me I sat down to write....

but the only words I found were tangled up in the lean muscles of a man walking down a long softly lit hallway. Ginger and garlic and the tang of good beer. 

I am susceptible to silence.         

beyond the trail