drift

What I have always wanted was a mini catamaran, so I could skate in the wind that kisses the water at sunrise. 

I think a lot about the water; almost as much as I think about the desert. It makes sense both of them are easy to get lost in. Both you can slip beneath to rest.

Right now I feel like a cast away on my own little island. It's not entirely a bad thing. It has a good view and plenty of room to stretch out in. But my words keep ending up locked in the glass bottles drifting in the mighty wake of all the traffic in some far off bay.

Cruise ship Moab, the GYM Life ferry, the speed boats of Life on 10th, the houseboats of my friends & my family, all drifting across the horizon. 

Even sitting in the grass beside BC watching Pep's party it felt a lot like sitting in a little dinky life raft watching a yacht go by. I can admit I'm torn between wanting back on the big boat of life and just wanting the peace of my island. 

But it's not always up to me. Thursday/Friday, sometime in the middle of the night out of nowhere the phone rang. I answered it before I was even awake. The man on the other end of the line said, "The thing is, Honey, I don't have a key to the front door."  It was BC calling from the front porch. He had driven home a day early to surprise me. To tell me how much he missed me, that he loves me, that he's lonely and he knows I am too... and yet like all his other visits home BC's limited time here is already all committed for. He has signed us up for a dinner with parents and he has a long list of to-do's for Moab..and then he will be gone again.

no matter what i say i am not being heard        

My leg feels slightly better this morning (long stupid story; not worth telling) but I don't know if that is from being off it all night or if the issue is resolving. It doesn't really matter. I don't have the space to do anything else but keep up and hope for the best.

I think it's about time to stop throwing messages into the water and just start paddling in the only direction I know.