Monday, April 3, 2017

Saturday night

It's near 11PM and I am standing in my kitchen with the 2 nearly-growns.  Conner leaning in from the porch through the sliders.  When he shifts his weight he eclipses the light falling from the street lamp.  His sister sits.  Leaning over the table top delicately picking grapes one by one and eating them slowly. 

He has come to say good-bye to his mother.  He moved his family last week to Sebastian, Florida and has returned to make the drive one more time with the last of their stuff.

I can't help but to wonder if among the boxes are the children's books I gave them for Baby J.  The books that once belonged to Alex and Conner- some that even once belong to me and my sisters. I wonder if they made the final cut or not.

But stuff is only stuff.

I had spent most of the day in bed sick. Stayed up late to get to be in this moment with them. The night pressed in as Conner talked.  They had a house, a large one with plenty of room and a long lawn for Baby J.  He said he could smell the ocean from there.  He had a job making good money.

He promised us pictures.  I told him I had thought about buying them a camera and sending it but then I remembered he made more money than I did.  Alex and Conner laughed in the way only children can together about their parents.

They smiled, they talked and I was glad the rest of the house was sleeping.  Glad to have this moment just for us.

Then Alex turned to her little brother, the man towering over her and said, "Dad is so sad that we are all going away... in a few months I will be in Europe and you are in Florida..."  She was still talking about how her adventure was only a trip but when she got back she was going to apply to schools abroad.  And he was saying how much we would all love Florida but that he would be in Utah in July to visit. 

When they both fell quiet I said, "Yeah, I have done something right."

1 comment:

  1. KayeLynn keeps looking at me and saying, "are you ok?" while I sit and cry as silently as I can. It's so hard to let go. I don't know that I can ever do it. Sending you love.