night vision

At 3 am out on the trampoline again. Drawn out of sleep by Little Dog circling the house barking. Clearly scared, her yelps were short and sharp. 

I smelled skunk early in the day. I had hoped it was a scent coming off the road and not a new tenant in the field.

I walked the fence lines and found everything was fine enough. Chewed Little Dog out and sent her in.

But as for myself, once outside it was impossible to go back. The night was that perfect kind of cold. And after the dog was handled it was quiet. The air was clear, no trace of skunk or tint of the river. 

The trains sleeping. 

I laid down on my back and watched the trees through the darkness reviewing the ruins of the day.

It all makes sense when I go back and look at it from here. I didn't set out like a high schooler in a bad mood to burn bridges with the whole world. But as it happened yesterday I was just too tired to invent excuses for anyone other than myself.

I could see clearly all day long. By the time I had left work shortly after 8, I felt I had completed a crash course of who is really who in my life. 

I saw what happens when I remove all the "help" and fictional reasoning I tend to pass around so freely.

Like I said, I didn't set out yesterday to test anyone. I simply didn't have the energy to play all the parts. 

And when he did finally call after I had gone to bed early, and I said "I really wish you would had called me sooner." I meant that. 

I wish he had....because that was a big fall. And he took a lot of people down with him.