outlying

I lean out the open car window and announce,

Blue is my favorite color but that color there is the absolute best. 

I let my hand ride outside the car surfing the wind. 

My hold on the steering wheel fleeting and loose.

He laughs and names it savanna.

I squint and say, savanna-yellow.

You used to call it savanna-gold, he reminds me.

I shake my head. 

I know when I said that... it was late September. 

We were on the foothills in a field of knee high grasses, planning our lives together. 

I was starving. 
The front of my shirt dotted with blood from a nose bleed. I had spent the night before in the ER and had no business being out in the sun running, but I was.

I had reached a thinnest with my body that was unbecoming. 
People had started to question me about it.

I know, things have been rough but it's under control now, I would say. 
it's all under control
I got this
I'm fine

But gold has never been the right word, I tell him. 

It is not golden; we were... gold is solid but workable- soft.

This color is luminescent and consuming. 

It changes like water.

And disappears like light.

You can hold onto gold, this you can't.

He pauses, then it is misty-savanna.

I laugh, yes, it is and it goes very well with misty-blue.

If I was god I wouldn't live in the sky. 
I would live in the wind.