the outer limits

I really want to start at the gross part. The part where I am lying face down in god knows what sort of spider infested dirt, leaves, and sticks. My hand shoved through a hole in the fence blindly aiming a chick at the fat behind of the chicken it came out of. Doing my best impression of a chicken proctologist all while the pit bull in the yard is going ape-shit.

From the second Beach showed up with a fresh hatched loner I knew that was where this was going. 

Well, minus the face down in the dirt, that amount of desperation/determination I didn’t see coming. That only developed after BC was called the second time about what we should do with a random chick and I got told, “Good luck with that.” A phrase he might want to stop saying to me since every time he says it I get the urge to gather all his clothes and burn them in the fire pit.

Anyway… so-yeah, Beach found an adorable baby chick tangled up in the fence between our house and the neighbor’s. 

Now, on any other Monday I might have been up for a field trip through the outer limits of our property. 

However, on a Monday following the weekend I stepped on a nail, coupled with a Monday at work where spiders seemed to be a sudden & unpleasant work perk, I would have rather not taken PTSD out for a real adventure. We had already had a big day! 

But the thought of having to care for a lone chick all night motivated me to at least try and find its mom. 

40 or so yards down the north fence line, between a few trees I don’t think I have ever seen before and a suspicious looking wood pile I turned up a hen sitting on a clutch of eggs. 

From over the fence she was barely visible, laying under a pile of junk in the neighbor’s yard. 

Finding the mom was good news except I couldn’t get to her, and she was already hissing at me. I knew this hen; she's a biter. And a gang member. An outlaw. She's one of the feral chickens of 10th West. And she can fly.

That’s when Beach was dispatched to call BC the first time. I don’t know what went down all I know was she came back out saying dad says we should keep it. 

Yes, and that is a great plan if you are the parent in Moab and not the parent in SLC sleeping with a new cat, a saluting ninja, and a future chicken nugget.

So I sent Beach back for something useful, “I need a pair of gloves and a beer.” That gave me time to 'hatch' (oh, that is a horrible pun!) a plan.

I thought briefly about dropping the chick like a paratrooper over the fence- after all it is a bird. I also entertained pulling off a fence board. But the snarling pit bull reminded me of why I might regret that later, or even sooner. I decided our only option was to go under the fence. 

I excavated under the wooden fence prison-break-style and came up right in front of the hissing hen. 

Perfect! Well, sort of. For starters I couldn't see what I was doing or where I was sticking my hand. So I used my camera to get a look at what was going on over there. I shove it up through the hole and took a couple of pictures. I see angry chickens.

The other trouble was this hen didn’t seem to want her baby any more than I did. I tried lots of ways to give it back. I tied the gentle placement. I tried the quick shove. I tried placing the chick on a piece of bark and offering it like an appetizer. I tried using a stick to push up the hen’s butt and shove the little bugger back under. Each time the chick wobbled around in the nest then rolled back out the hole.

That was when I called BC the second time. He was no help at all. Actually, that's not entirely true  He reminded me, whether he meant to or not, that I was alone doing the daily. And guess what? So far I have been doing pretty damn well all by my big girl self. Minus the hole the foot and that one too close encounter with the corner of the chicken coop roof.

With all that in mind I knew if I was going to get this chick back to its mom I was going to have to go "all in". I got down on my stomach, reached all the way in, shoved that chick right under her as she pecked at me, AND IT WORKED! The chick stayed & the hen settled back down. 

All in a day's work. Time to hang out at the pool with my peeps. 

[Beach rescuing bugs.]